Friday, June 15, 2012


I love the feeling. It's like a deep burning in the pit of your stomach screaming at you. It is a huge pounding on your soul and you have to react to it or it will leave you so empty it hurts. 

I don't always act on my inspiration when I feel it.. some times I feel it before I visualize anything.. It's as if there is something so close to me that I am supposed to do and I can't quite reach it.. Some thing is screaming at me to pick up a pencil even when I think I don't want to.. Even when I do and bring it to a blank page nothing comes out, but it is so strong.. It's like when you see someone give a reaction like, "oh!" and then leave you sitting there thinking, "what? what is it? what happened?"

Some times direct thoughts will come to my mind, such as, "practice that shape.." or, "look up a picture and copy it.." but I can never seem to make myself happy from something I do by following the promptings that come to mind. It is disheartening.. and I then see work from those who participate in the same activity as I but with much more experience and I feel I am so close to their level, yet I am not there.. i feel as though I won't ever be happy until I reach a higher level of professionalism with the work that I do.. 

Occasionally something amazing happens, I feel a little singe that leads me to a successful zone in concentration that I won't escape for hours. Miracles happen in this time. I may not hear if someone calls my name, or get hungry, or thirsty, or take any naps or go to the bath room or put down my pencil, but I have a masterpiece at the end.. It's only worked out that way a few select times, and it is difficult to find that level of concentration in my life where I value so many different things, like church, family, and friends, and other classes at school.. 

A funny thing is that some times i am inspired to write, not just draw... oh you thought I was talking about writing.. ? of course you did, but of course you thought wrong, I meant to speak of my sketching and painting I do on occasion, but perhaps should do more of if I really were to raise myself a level. I am however as I say inspired to write as well. even if not about anything in particular and I start out speaking jibberish, I figure, eventually it will turn into something of significance.

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